Original "Dear Abby" Advice Columnist Dies

Dear Abby: My wife sleeps in the raw. Then she showers, brushes her teeth and fixes our breakfast -- still in the buff. We're newlyweds and there are just the two of us, so I suppose there's really nothing wrong with it. What do you think? -- Ed
Dear Ed: It's O.K. with me. But tell her to put on an apron when she's frying bacon.
Letters to the "Dear Abby" advice column were written to Abigail Van Buren, the pen name for Pauline Phillips, who started answering personal questions in 1956 and died this month at age 94 (it is unknown whether her advice on frying bacon stemmed from personal experience). She had been ill with Alzheimer's disease for more than 10 years. The New York Times described her as "a trusted, tart-tongued adviser to tens of millions."
Daughter Jeanne Phillips, who took over her mother's column in 2000, told USA TODAY that her mother "was wonderful -- an amazing, charismatic, caring, caring woman. She loved and had a deep concern for other people." But at the same time, her mother did not hesitate to offer saucy words of wisdom.
When a young woman wondered whether she had gone too far in a 21st birthday celebration with her boyfriend, Abby was a truth-teller:
Dear Abby: I usually don’t go in much for drinking, but I had three martinis. During dinner we split a bottle of wine. After dinner we had two brandies. Did I do wrong?
Abby's response: Probably.
Abby could be down-to-earth, honest, funny and wise. People appreciated her guidance and wrote letters to her saying, "You changed my life," which reminded her of the importance of her work. But she always maintained a sense of humor, which came through in creative solutions to problems:
Dear Abby: I have always wanted to have my family history traced, but I can't afford to spend a lot of money to do it. Have you any suggestions? -- M. J. B. in Oakland, Calif.
Dear M. J. B.: Yes. Run for a public office.
At her best, Abby offered responses that showed wisdom about a range of issues, from human sexuality to the tax code:
Dear Abby: Are birth control pills deductible? -- Bertie
Dear Bertie: Only if they don't work.
Pauline (Abby) had a long professional rivalry with her identical twin sister, Esther, the advice columnist known as "Ann Landers," who died in 2002. They were born on July 4, 1918, in Sioux City, Iowa, to Russian Jewish immigrants. Her father started out as a traveling salesman and later became the owner of a movie theater chain. Pauline and Esther were inseparable as children, dressing alike, sharing purses and even sleeping in the same bed at times.
The sisters went to Morningside College together, where they co-wrote a gossip column in the student newspaper. Just before turning 21, they were married in a double ceremony, followed by a double honeymoon. But the wedding was preceded by a dramatic incident worthy of a "Dear Abby" column. At the last minute, Esther ditched her fiance and brought in a substitute groom, marrying Jules Lederer, a salesman who went on to form Budget Rent-a-Car.
In 1955, Esther took over the "Ann Landers" column for The Chicago Sun-Times, and asked her sister Pauline for help. "By responding to the overflow from the wildly popular Ann Landers column, she discovered that she wouldn’t make a bad advice-giver herself," reports The Washington Post.
Pauline called The San Francisco Chronicle, identified herself as a local housewife and stated that she could do a better job than the newspaper's current advice columnist. The editor decided to give her a chance, and after Pauline submitted some writing samples, she was given the job at a salary of $20 per week.
According to The New York Times, Pauline "chose her pen name herself, taking Abigail after the prophetess in the Book of Samuel ('Then David said to Abigail, "Blessed is your advice and blessed are you"') and Van Buren for its old-family, presidential ring."
"Dear Abby" was an immediate success, and the column was quickly syndicated. But Pauline's success led to an estrangement from Esther. The twins did not speak for five years, reconciling only in the mid-1960s. Their professional and private lives became permanently intertwined.
"A life of advice is to walk the finest of lines," writes advice columnist Carolyn Hax, "of between knowing and guessing; entertainment and empathy; compassion and criticism; between trying to help and presuming to; between being a public resource and a punch line."
Until she retired in 2000 and turned her column over to her daughter, Pauline continued to give pithy advice to her readers. When one writer asked how to cure the wandering eye of a married man, "Dear Abby" had a simple and straightforward answer: "Rigor mortis."
More on this story can be found at these links:
Pauline Phillips, flinty advisor to millions as Dear Abby dies at 94, The New York Times
Original 'Dear Abby' advice columnist dies at 94. USA TODAY
Pauline Phillips, better known as 'Dear Abby,' dies at 94, The Washington Post
A life of giving advice is to walk the finest of lines, The Washington Post

The Big Questions
1. Where can Christians obtain wise counsel that is in line with God's will?
2. What is the criteria we should use to separate bad advice from good? How do we do that?
3. Advice columnists often use humor in their responses to serious questions. When is humor helpful, and when it is hurtful?
4. "Dear Abby" once said that her views and advice on a number of topics, including premarital sex, had changed over the years. When should we change our views, and when should we not? How do we remain faithful to a constant God in an ever-changing culture? When does the distinction C.S. Lewis makes between "morality" and "propriety" come into play (His classic example was of a young woman in a South Seas culture for whom going  what we call "topless" was a non-issue)?
5. "Dear Abby" and "Ann Landers" had a lifelong rivalry. How do you think their competition hurt their relationship, and how did it motivate them to achieve success?
6. Advice-givers such as "Dear Abby" cannot continue their columns forever, but must pass their work to the next generation. What is involved in a healthy transition?

Confronting the News with Scripture and Hope
Here are some Bible verses to guide your discussion:
Genesis 3:12
The man said [to God], "The woman whom you gave to be with me, she gave me fruit from the tree, and I ate." (For context, read 3:1-21.)
Adam and Eve are placed in the Garden of Eden and told by God to eat of every tree in the garden except "the tree of the knowledge of good and evil" (2:16-17). The serpent quizzes Eve on the instructions of God, and questions whether they will really die if they eat the fruit of that tree. Eve eats some of the fruit of the tree and gives some to Adam, and he eats it. Then they realize that they are naked, and they hide themselves from God.
Questions: What does the serpent do to undermine the instructions of God? Why does Eve follow the advice of the serpent, and why does Adam follow in the footsteps of Eve? Where do you see this same tendency in the world today? Eve made a decision without consulting another; whom do you call on or consult when you have an important decision to make? What part does your faith community play in helping you make important decisions?
Genesis 30:1
When Rachel saw that she bore Jacob no children, she envied her sister; and she said to Jacob, "Give me children, or I shall die!" (For context, read 30:1-24)
Rachel and Leah are sisters who are both married to Jacob. Rachel is Jacob's favorite, but Leah is the first to bear children and gives him four sons. Rachel envies her sister, and offers her maid Bilhah as a wife so that Bilhah will have children with Jacob. Leah responds by offering her maid Zilpah as a wife, and Zilpah has children with Jacob. After Leah has two more sons and a daughter with Jacob, Rachel is finally able to conceive, and she gives birth to Joseph.
Questions: Why are siblings so competitive, whether they are Rachel and Leah or "Dear Abby" and "Ann Landers"? How is such envy destructive? What good came out of Rachel and Leah's rivalry?
Genesis 41:15-16
And Pharaoh said to Joseph, "I have had a dream, and there is no one who can interpret it. I have heard it said of you that when you hear a dream you can interpret it." Joseph answered Pharaoh, "It is not I; God will give Pharaoh a favorable answer." (For context, read 41:1-45.)
Joseph is in the dungeon in Egypt, but he has developed a reputation as an accurate interpreter of dreams. In particular, he interprets the dreams of a chief baker and a chief cupbearer, and his predictions turn out to be exactly right. When Pharaoh has a dream about sleek cows and fat cows, he calls on Joseph to offer an interpretation, and Joseph states that God will offer the answer he needs. Joseph listens to Pharaoh's dream, explains it and offers a proposal for dealing with the famine that is to come. Pharaoh is so pleased with his proposal that he gives Joseph authority over all of Egypt.
Questions: Joseph is held in high esteem by Pharaoh, but he quickly gives the credit to God. How is such an action linked to the ability to give good advice? Where are faithful advisers to be found today? Joseph shares this God-given wisdom with a foreign king to preserve life. Are we tempted to keep wisdom -- economic, religious, political -- within our family, region or nation?
Proverbs 1:32-33
For waywardness kills the simple, and the complacency of fools destroys them; but those who listen to [Wisdom] will be secure and will live at ease, without dread of disaster. (For context, read 1:20-33.)
Wisdom is personified as a woman who "cries out in the street" in Proverbs (1:20), calling people to love knowledge, fear God and accept her reproof. She criticizes those who ignore her counsel, and predicts that they will experience panic, calamity, distress and anguish.
Questions: Where do you hear the Wisdom of God calling out today? What are the consequences of ignoring God's counsel? Wisdom is portrayed as shouting so loud it is almost embarrassing. Is this the way that conscience works, in your experience? How easy is it to tune it out and ignore it?
Matthew 13:54
[Jesus] came to his hometown and began to teach the people in their synagogue, so that they were astounded and said, "Where did this man get this wisdom and these deeds of power?" (For context, read 13:54-58.)
When Jesus comes to Nazareth, the people are astounded by his wisdom and deeds of power because they know that he is the son of a simple carpenter. They are offended by him and do not believe in him. Jesus does not do many deeds of power there, because of their unbelief (v. 58).
Questions: What is the source of the wisdom of Jesus? Throughout his ministry, how does he express it? Where do you find godly wisdom in people without extensive formal education? How is this kind of wisdom linked to deeds of power?
1 Corinthians 1:22-24
For Jews demand signs and Greeks desire wisdom, but we proclaim Christ crucified, a stumbling block to Jews and foolishness to Gentiles, but to those who are the called, both Jews and Greeks, Christ the power of God and the wisdom of God. (For context, read 1:18-31.)
Paul is trying to teach and inspire the Christians in Corinth to carry on the work that he has started. He wants to transition the leadership of the church from its founders (Paul and Apollos) to the Corinthians themselves. Paul reminds the Corinthians that they were not necessarily wise by human standards, but that they now have "life in Christ Jesus, who became for us wisdom from God" (1:30).
Questions: Where is the wisdom of God found in Jesus? How is it different from the wisdom of the world? How can we share this with others, in particular the next generation of church members and leaders?

For Further Discussion
1. Where do you go for advice about personal problems? What are the characteristics of a good adviser?
2. Advice columnists offer guidance to people they have never met face-to-face. List the pros and cons of this type of assistance.
3. "Dear Abby" and "Ann Landers" have reached millions of people through newspaper columns, but print media is declining as online media continues to rise. How will the next generation of columnists dispense their advice?
4. What is the role of the church in offering counsel to people? How can it do a better job of offering good advice?
5. Where do you see a need for Christ-centered wisdom in the world today? How can "Christ crucified" be shared with people around us?
6. What wisdom have you gained through your study of the Bible? Give a specific example of a scriptural truth that has improved your life.
7. Advice columnist Carolyn Hax says, "A life of advice is to walk the finest of lines, of  between knowing and guessing; entertainment and empathy; compassion and criticism." We walk this line as Christians when we try to help others. How do you keep from falling to one side or the other?
8. In the Gospel of John, Jesus speaks of the Holy Spirit when he says, "And I will ask the Father, and He will give you another Counselor to be with you forever" (14:16, Holman Christian Standard Bible). How does the Holy Spirit act as a counselor to you individually, and to the church?

Responding to the News
Like "Dear Abby," Christians should love and have "a deep concern for other people." In the week to come, listen carefully to a friend or a neighbor who is struggling, and offer your most caring and constructive advice. Remember that the wisdom of God is found in Jesus Christ, the one who died to bring us forgiveness and new life.