The Ashley Madison Hack: An Opportunity for the Church

There are no good guys in the saga of the Ashley Madison website hack.
Certainly not the people at the Canadian firm Avid Life Media who created the website to facilitate adultery (not to mention lying, betrayal and deceptiveness) to begin with and who then failed to protect the identities of the more than 33 million people who have opened accounts on the site since it launched in 2001.
After Avid Life Media issued a statement saying that no financial data had been compromised, web security developer Troy Hunt commented, "Do they really think that after the most intimate, private aspect of people's lives has been put on public display that a credit card their bank would simply replace if compromised is what they're worried about?!"
Certainly not the operators of the site, who promised to delete customer data for a fee of $19, then didn't delete it. For the $19, Ashley Madison said it would erase all traces of a customer's activity on the site, and in 2014 alone, the site made more than $1.7 million through this service. But in reality, all they did was take customers' names off the public-facing parts of the site. They never removed names and related info from their backend servers, from which the hackers were able to grab them.
Certainly not the so-far unidentified hackers who call themselves the Impact Team and made themselves "morality police," implying that their illegal activity was justified because of the behavior the Ashley Madison site condoned. The hackers also said they were outraged that the Ashley Madison site was a scam, since many of the female profiles on the site were fake and that 90-95 percent of the actual users were male. That meant, said the Impact Team, that most men who signed up for an affair never had one fostered by the site. The hackers further claimed to be angered by the site's phony privacy and security claims. However, exposing the users to shame and possible negative consequences -- marital and otherwise -- punishes them even more than anything done to Avid Life Media.
Regarding the hackers, TWW team member Frank Ramirez comments, "There's some hubris involved in assuming godlike powers."
As of this writing (on Tuesday), authorities have indicated that there have been two suicides -- one of them a Texas police chief -- likely related to the individuals being exposed by the hack of the extramarital affairs site.
Certainly not the site's users themselves, who were actively looking for opportunities to betray their marriage vows and be unfaithful to and deceive their spouse.
Certainly not the scammers and extortionists who are using the hack for their own gain. Toronto police said this week that scammers have created websites that promise to provide access to the leaked client names but instead deliver malware. There has also been outright extortion by fraudsters preying on the potential embarrassment of people who had registered with the infidelity site.
Certainly not the two Canadian law firms that are capitalizing on the hack by launching a $578 million class-action lawsuit against Avid Life Media, saying they are doing so on behalf of all Canadians who have been affected by the data dump from the Ashley Madison site.
And certainly not anyone unaffected by the dump but who sit in better-than-thou judgment of those who are affected, or who revel in others' moral failures. It's all too easy to sling the hypocrisy label, overlooking one's own shortcomings and sins.
Writing on the Patheos website, Kyle Roberts, associate professor of Public and Missional Theology at United Theological Seminary of the Twin Cities, observed, "In the aftermath of the Ashley Madison leak, there will be shame, new suspicions, broken trust, hurt spouses, even some shattered dreams. For those of us who believe in the gospel of grace and forgiveness, and who believe that the best thing that Christians can do in the world is to be 'ministers of reconciliation' (2 Corinthians 5:18), this massive public leak, with all the guilt, shame, and embarrassment that will come with it, may provide an opportunity for the church to live out our calling."
Roberts added, "It will be important to remember that it's by grace we are saved, not by our works. That love rules all things. And that love can cover a multitude of sins. The ministry of reconciliation is not an optional calling for those who believe in the gospel of grace."
Other Christian leaders have reminded us of the need for repentance as well on the part of those whose wrongdoing was exposed. Rev. Mark Woods, contributing editor at Christianity Today, writes, "But the thing about Christianity is that it preaches forgiveness and restoration to people you wouldn't have in your house. It says to people who've done far worse than adultery, 'You're welcome. Repent and receive Christ's forgiveness.' It says at communion, 'This is a table for sinners.'"
While Woods was commenting specifically about former reality TV star Josh Duggar, who was among those exposed by the Ashley Madison data dump, Wood's point is that while the users of that site are sinners, so are the rest of us.
More on this story can be found at these links:
Ashley Madison Hack: What's Included in the Data Dump. ABC News 
Answers to Your Burning Questions on the Ashley Madison Hack. Wired 
An Opportunity for Grace: The Ashley Madison Leak and the Church's Response. Patheos 
Josh Duggar and Ashley Madison: The Problem of Selective Forgiveness. Christianity Today
The Ashley Madison Hack Ruined My Life. CNN Money 
Ashley Madison Facing Massive Lawsuit 'on Behalf of All Canadians.' New York Post
Ashley Madison: 'Suicides' Over Website Hack. BBC
Here's What Ashley Madison Members Have Told Me. TroyHunt.com
The Big Questions
1. How should our sex drive fit into a life of faith? Have you found that there have been times when it is/was easier or harder to control your sex drive? Do Christians have a greater obligation than others to be faithful to their marriage vows? Why or why not?
2. For a Christian, is fear of exposure a sufficient reason to avoid marital infidelity? Explain your answer. An old saying has it that "character is who you are when nobody is watching." In what ways, if any, does that apply to our life as disciples of Jesus?
3. How might you feel if you discovered that your spouse was on the data dump from the Ashley Madison website? What is the immediate thing you might do? What might you do after you'd processed the information? Would it make a difference if this involved an action before you'd met?
4. How ought church members behave toward other members discovered to have committed adultery? Once we know who has sinned and how they have sinned, how can we offer forgiveness and mercy? Does your church or denomination have a process in place for reconciliation?
5. Kyle Roberts referred to our call to be "ministers of reconciliation," citing 2 Corinthians 5:18 -- "All this is from God, who reconciled us to himself through Christ, and has given us the ministry of reconciliation" -- as a basis. What might that calling mean in the Ashley Madison case? How might repentance be involved?
Confronting the News With Scripture and Hope
Here are some Bible verses to guide your discussion:
Numbers 32:23
... be sure your sin will find you out. (For context, read 32:1-32.)
Luke 8:17
For nothing is hidden that will not be disclosed, nor is anything secret that will not become known and come to light. (For context, read 8:11-18.)
These two verses seem especially apropos in the current day when privacy -- and the ability to keep one's wrongdoings secret -- seems more at risk than ever.
The words in the Numbers verse were spoken by Moses in response to a promise from two of the Israelite tribes to help the other tribes in capturing the land they wanted to occupy. Moses was saying that if the two tribes didn't follow through on their promise, their sin would be not only exposed, but punished.
The words in the Luke verse are from Jesus and, in common use, would have been a way of saying that nothing can be kept secret for very long. However, since Jesus said this following his explanation of the meaning of the parable of the sower, it may have been a way of saying that the gospel could not be kept hidden either.
Together, these verses remind us that whenever we hope to keep something private and secret -- whether innocent behavior or wrongdoing -- we should consider that it may become known by others, perhaps with unwanted consequences.
Questions: Can fear of exposure be one means God has given us to help us stay away from wrongdoing? Why or why not?
Proverbs 6:32-33
But he who commits adultery has no sense; he who does it destroys himself. He will get wounds and dishonor, and his disgrace will not be wiped away. (For context, read 6:20-35.)
Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and adulterers. (For context, read 13:1-6.)
Some married people, while in the midst of an affair, might argue against the wisdom of the proverb above, but sooner or later, most affairs result in pain for somebody, usually including, but not limited, to the adulterers.
Read the context of this proverb for more about the destructive cost of marital infidelity.
The book of Hebrews is mostly a sermon about the work of Christ, but near the end, the author mentions a few things for Christians to keep in mind regarding how they should live. He says they should trust God, be hospitable, minister to prisoners, avoid the love of money and keep the marriage bed undefiled. Clearly, the author understood that the temptation to have sex outside of one's marriage is widespread, even among people committed to following Jesus.
Questions: Why do you think God made us so that we can be tempted to stray from our marriage vows? What might God want us to learn? Might James 1:12 -- "Blessed is anyone who endures temptation. Such a one has stood the test and will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him" -- help with that answer?
Matthew 5:27-28
You have heard that it was said, "You shall not commit adultery." But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lust has already committed adultery with her in his heart. (For context, read 5:27-30.)
Jesus said this in the Sermon on the Mount.
Jimmy Carter is the subject of our other lesson today, but do you remember when he said he considered himself guilty -- according to these words of Jesus -- of adultery because he'd had lustful thoughts? He received a lot of ridicule for that admission, but really, he was talking about an experience common to most men and some women: lustful thinking.
Questions: Granted that Jesus here probably engaged in hyperbole, and that actual adultery is worse than fantasy, how can a mental obsession that never results in action cause similar damage to a marriage?
When Jimmy Carter made his admission in an interview, many people acted shocked. What does that say about the level of biblical literacy in society at large? What does it say about Carter's courage in admitting he is a sinner?
What help for yourself do you find in these words from Jesus?
Genesis 38:25
As she was being brought out, she sent word to her father-in-law, "It was the owner of these who made me pregnant." And she said, "Take note, please, whose these are, the signet and the cord and the staff." (For context, read 38:1-26.)
2 Samuel 12:7, 9
Nathan said to David, "You are the man! ... Why have you despised the word of the LORD, to do what is evil in his sight? You have struck down Uriah the Hittite with the sword, and have taken his wife to be your wife ... (For context, read 12:1-14.)
We included these two texts simply to show "gotcha moments" for Judah and David, respectively, regarding sexual sins (plus murder, in David's case).
Questions: What is the faith lesson for us in "gotcha moments"?
What does it say that King David was in no danger of losing his kingdom, while Tamar was in danger of being killed in a horrible way? Does society condemn and/or condone adultery by one gender more than another, or by people in certain circumstances?
Would you be supportive of someone in a toxic marriage who committed adultery? Would you be supportive of a caregiver for a spouse with dementia or in a coma who had an extramarital relationship?
Matthew 19:9 (CEB)
I say to you that whoever divorces his wife, except for sexual unfaithfulness, and marries another woman commits adultery. (For context, read 19:1-12.)
When quizzed by the Pharisees on the subject of divorce, it was clear that Jesus was against it. But they pointed out that Moses allowed for divorce. Jesus said that this was because of people's stubbornness, but that it wasn't that way from the beginning: marriage was meant to be lifelong. Yet Jesus also allows a man to divorce his wife (and, we presume, vice versa) when the spouse commits adultery. (The Greek word is porneia, whence comes our word "pornography.")
Note that Jesus doesn't command divorce, and only barely allows for the breaking of the bond of marriage to be "made legal" by divorce. It is a possible course of action, but not necessarily a recommended way to go.
In our congregations. adultery can be committed and become exposed. Sometimes restoration of the marriage is possible, when forgiveness is sought and granted, while sometimes it is not, when a heart or hearts are hardened. This does not even begin to touch on the effects on children, the larger family, the congregation, employment and the community at large.
Question: How do you and your congregation respond when unfaithfulness and divorce rear their heads within your fellowship, or even among your leadership? How do you or your congregation show both law (condemning sin) and gospel (proclaiming God's forgiveness of sin) to each of the people involved?
John 8:7
When they kept on questioning [Jesus], he straightened up and said to them, "Let anyone among you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her." (For context, read 8:2-11.)
Romans 3:23
... since all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God ... (For context, read 3:21-26.)
The verse from John is part of the account of scribes and Pharisees bringing before Jesus a woman (but not the man) caught in adultery. These accusers wanted to put Jesus on the spot, but he responded as quoted in the verse above, and the accusers, one by one, left. They evidently recognized that none of them were sin-free. Paul says the same about all of us in the Romans verse above.
We do note that after the accusers had left, Jesus told the woman, "Go, and sin no more" (v. 11). He wasn't excusing her but was telling her to change her behavior, which is a component of repentance.
Questions: What do you take from these verses that might apply to ourselves as observers of the Ashley Madison news? Why?
What would you say to someone who tried to tell you about a person they'd discovered through the Ashley Madison hack? Would you listen? Would you refuse to listen?
For Further Discussion
1. TWW team member Micah Holland says, "The power of technology is oftentimes understated. We live in a culture of easy communication and easy knowledge. Also a culture of easy sin. Pornography and now, I guess, adultery are two easy things to choose. [There is] the risk of being filmed/photographed today; cameras are everywhere and you can be filmed doing anything. And it is so easy to take this film and make it go viral. The power of communication, and the transparency of this world, moves us into a new conversation about privacy, sin and communication." What ought the content of that conversation be?
2. Discuss this, from TWW team member Frank Ramirez: "Nearly 40 years ago, the old, experienced pastor who was my mentor while I served as a summer pastor told me, 'The first thing I'm going to ask God after I die is why he made it so difficult for young people to control themselves sexually because they've got all these hormones shouting at them all the time.' At the time all I did was nod, but over the past four decades I've thought about the fact that for some people, and at different times in their lives, it is more difficult or easier to make better choices in this regard. Wonderful people I've known as colleagues and parishioners have come into my office to confess something about their behavior.
     "I would not want to minimize anything about adultery, which breaks up families and causes distress that reaches out in several directions geographically and generationally, but to me running a sweatshop and oppressing your workers, or operating a drug cartel, or making huge amounts of money at the expense of workers who might be earning minimum wage, or fanning the flames of racial hatred seem to be far greater sins, yet you can do these things in public and in some circumstances be honored."
3. Respond to this, from TWW team member Ed Thomas: "God knows all. Digital discovery may be a newer phenomenon, but God's always known our hearts and brokenness. What I find interesting is our collective fascination with shattered lifestyles and our shock when people are discovered in these dilemmas: 'Can you believe so and so did this ...?' As Christians we should be asking, 'Can you believe that you and I haven't been exposed as well?'"
4. TWW team member Mary Sells observes that while we can agree that adultery is wrong, pointing out others' sins is questionable. She says, "I am interested in the aspect of forgiveness. We could all easily become part of this by letting any person on the list drop from our own sense of grace. Isn't that like two wrongs -- one is theirs, and the other is ours?"
Responding to the News
One lesson we can all take from this news is on the importance of not toying with temptation.
TWW team member Frank Ramirez points out, "There's that wonderful phrase in the Catholic prayer of contrition -- the pledge to 'avoid the near occasions of sin.' Each one of us knows what tempts us. If you've got a gambling addiction, you can't go near that machine in the convenience store. (No temptation for me there, but I knew a guy who reached into a bank's automatic deposit slot and managed to fish out a church's offering bag so he could buy more tickets.) Diabetics need to avoid the aisle that has the brightly lit glass counter with all the donuts. I suppose some should avoid the sports page so they don't get angry. And I suppose some people knew better than to go to that website, even if they weren't planning to follow through at first, and play with fire."
TWW team member Shelly Turner comments, "The secrecy of the Internet is tempting. In a few reports people have said that they were just 'looking' at what this website offered and never acted. Have the lookers committed a sin nonetheless?" We suspect they have.
So this is a good time to renew our resolve not to go near the things that tempt us.
Closing Prayer

Lord, help us to avoid hypocrisy when confronted by news such as this, and where appropriate, enable us to be messengers of repentance and reconciliation. Help us also to be careful not to put ourselves unnecessarily in places of temptation, that our lives may honestly reflect our commitment to follow Jesus. In his name. Amen.