The Secrets of a 74-Year-Marriage

A couple of celebrities were sitting on the front row of the Basilica of the National Shrine of the Immaculate Conception
on Sunday, June 16. They weren't movie stars, nor were they Washington politicians. Instead, they were Elizabeth and Jack
Holly, who are about to celebrate their 74th wedding anniversary.
"Congratulations. That ... is ... amazing," said one young couple to the 94-year-olds. The Hollys have an impressive
marital track record, as do a number of their offspring. Their son William just celebrated his 50th anniversary, and their
daughter Anna recently made it to her 27th. A couple of grandchildren are about to celebrate their 25th and 26th
anniversaries.
The Hollys were at the National Shrine for its "Jubilarian Mass," which honored about 600 couples who were celebrating 25,
30, 35, 40, 45, 50 or more years of wedded life. More than 850 couples registered to have their anniversaries recognized,
including 11 couples who had made it past the threshold of 70 years. These 850 couples totalled 39,417 years of marriage.
The Catholics of Washington, D.C., are not alone in amassing such a remarkable number. In virtually every congregation in
the United States, there are couples with remarkable marital accomplishments. These unions are rarely without stress and
strain, and many have overcome obstacles of illness, loss and unfaithfulness. But the total years of marriage at most
churches is amazing -- and inspiring.

So what are the secrets of a 74-year-marriage? "We kept busy," said Elizabeth Holly to The Washington Post. "You get home.
You make supper. You go to bed."
"We weren't rich people," she added. "All you got to do is act right. Be right. It ain't hard."
The Hollys admitted that the toughest part of their marriage was raising children -- they gave birth to nine and lost
three. But their commitment to the covenant of marriage has been good for their children, as is true for most children
today.
Two-parent households have considerable advantages in sharing the emotional load (and joy) of raising children. But, as
reported in USA Today, there is also the matter of economics, which is a serious consideration in creating a healthy
family. According to a recent Census report, nearly 40 percent of single-parent households were under the poverty line in
2010, compared with just 10 percent of married family households.

The importance of marriage to children, in terms of emotional and economic security, is something that can be affirmed by
conservatives and liberals alike. With no disrespect to the 43 percent of Americans who are single, it is clear that
marriage is good for both adults and children.
The secrets of a 74-year-marriage are keeping busy and acting right, as Elizabeth Holly said, but also focusing on the
welfare of your spouse and your children. Healthy marriages put family-interest ahead of self-interest, and are grounded in
the kind of sacrificial love that seeks first the welfare of others. Since the earliest days of the church, Christians have
encouraged husbands and wives to provide for one another, to devote themselves to prayer and to do what they can to stay
together and even make each other holy.
Today, however, marriage is on a sharp decline in the United States. Fifty years ago, about three-quarters of American
adults 18 and older were married, while today only 52 percent are. More men and women are living as singles -- even, at
times, while having children -- a state of affairs that can ultimately harm children, making them much more likely to live
in poverty.

Fortunately, two-thirds of Americans are upbeat about the future of marriage and family, according to the Pew Research
Center, and 46 percent of unmarried Americans say they want to get married. This is a desire worth pursuing, as we start
the next 39,417 years.
More on this story can be found at these links:
Md. Couple's Marriage Has Stood Test of Time, If Not Memory, The Washington Post
Renewal of Marriage Vows at 2013 Jubilarian Mass, Facebook
Column: Wedding Days Are Losing Their Way, USA Today
The Decline of Marriage and Rise of New Families, Pew Social Trends

The Big Questions

1. What qualities do you see in a husband and wife who remain married for 74 years?

2. How do couples handle the stress and strain of life, and overcome obstacles of illness, loss and unfaithfulness?

3. Should couples remain married for the benefit of their children? Why or why not?

4. From an economic point of view, why should husbands and wives stay together? Why should couples even marry in the first
place? What are the benefits of two-parent families? When should other factors take precedence?

5. Where do you see sacrificial love at work in healthy marriages? Give examples.

6. Are you optimistic or pessimistic about the future of marriage? Explain.

Confronting the News With Scripture and Hope
Here are some Bible verses to guide your discussion:
Genesis 2:24
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and clings to his wife, and they become one flesh. (For context, read
2:18-25.)

In the story of creation, God forms animals and birds and brings them to the man he has created. The man gives names to the
cattle, birds and animals of the field, but none of them is found to be suitable as a partner for the man. So God causes
the man to go to sleep, and he takes one of his ribs. God makes the rib into a woman and brings her to the man. The man
describes her as "bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh" (v. 23).
Questions: Why is a woman especially suitable to be a man's partner? What is the significance of the phrase "bone of my
bones and flesh of my flesh" (v. 23)? Why is it important, emotionally and spiritually, for a man to leave his parents and
cling to his wife?

Exodus 20:14
You shall not commit adultery. (For context, read 20:1-17.)

The Ten Commandments are given by God to Moses on Mount Sinai. The first set concerns the relationship between humans and
God, and the remaining group concerns relationships between humans. The prohibition of adultery lies between "you shall not
murder" (v. 13) and "you shall not steal" (v. 15).
Questions: Why is God concerned about adultery? What kind of damage is done when the covenant of marriage is broken? Who are the victims?
Mark 10:9
Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate. (For context, read 10:1-16.)
Some Pharisees test Jesus by asking him if it is lawful for a man to divorce his wife. Jesus answers by asking them about
Moses, who allowed divorce because of their "hardness of heart" (v. 5). But Jesus insists that "from the beginning of
creation, 'God made them male and female'" (v. 6), and reaffirms that God's intention is for them to be "one flesh" (v. 8).
Concerned for both the women and the children who are hurt by divorce, Jesus stresses the permanence of marriage and then
says "let the little children come to me" (v. 14).
Questions: Are there cases today where divorce should be allowed because of "hardness of heart"? When is it impossible for
husbands and wives to remain "one flesh"? How should the concern of Jesus for vulnerable women and children be demonstrated
today, especially when it comes to divorce?

1 Corinthians 7:4
For the wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise the husband does not have authority
over his own body, but the wife does. (For context, read 7:1-16).
In his directions on marriage, the apostle Paul stresses the sense of balance that is created in a marriage, with husbands
and wives giving each other "conjugal rights" (v. 3). His focus is on a mutuality of authority that exists when two people
become one flesh. Paul encourages husbands and wives to provide for one another, to devote themselves to prayer and to do
what they can to stay together and even make each other holy (vv. 5, 10-16).
Questions: In marriage, where do you see a focus not on self-satisfaction, but on serving someone or something that is
bigger than yourself? How is a sense of balance and mutuality of authority experienced in a healthy marriage? Give
examples.
Hebrews 13:4
Let marriage be held in honor by all, and let the marriage bed be kept undefiled; for God will judge fornicators and
adulterers. (For context, read 13:1-6).
The letter to the Hebrews speaks of service that is pleasing to God, including mutual love, hospitality to strangers and
remembering those who are imprisoned. The writer then encourages his audience to hold marriage in honor, and concludes by
encouraging them to keep their lives "free from the love of money" (v. 5).
Questions: What are the particular qualities of marriage that are valued by God? Why is judgment predicted for "fornicators
and adulterers"? What is the significance of this list of pleasing actions for today?

For Further Discussion

1. What factors have led to a decline in marriage over the past 50 years, and what can be done to reverse this trend?

2. In your opinion, what are the actions and attitudes that create long and happy marriages?

3. What role should the church play in supporting couples in their marriages?

4. If you are married, who are your role models and accountability partners as you seek to keep your vows? What problems
would you encounter without them? If you are unmarried, whom do you seek to emulate or to take advice from in your
considerations of marriage?

5. What are the top areas that you think should be covered in premarital counseling today?

6. The "marriage equality" movement is clearly advancing across the country. What impact, if any, do you think same-sex
marriage will have on heterosexual marriage?


Responding to the News
Reflect on the promises that stand at the center of every healthy marriage. If you are married, think about the vows you
have made to your spouse. If you are single, ponder the importance of the commitments you have made to family members and
friends. Reach out to someone who is struggling with promise-keeping, and offer them your support and encouragement.